#17

I had so many frustrations in life. If I could list it down, it will be endless list.
Biasalah, kita manusia biasa ni memang suka merungut.
But I don't know why lately I felt everything went wrong. I just couldn't find the reason.

Just now, I had a good cry. Lega jugaklah hati ni, bila dapat lepaskan apa yang terpendam walaupun tak tahu mana silapnya.
Aku rasa, aku ni kurang bersyukur dengan apa yang aku ada. Selalu expecting more than what I should have.
End up I'm the one who feeling hurts.

Allah tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kita semua. Kalau kita tak dapat apa yang kita inginkan, mungkin tu memang bukan bahagian kita. Hurting other people won't give you the thing you wanted.

Seems like I couldn't stay strong and tough as my outer personality. I just wish sometimes I could stay quiet and do my own business without interfering other's. But all this while I just pretend to be tough. Act to be tough so that people will see me as a bad-tempered person rather than a weak wimp.
Yeah, aku selalu lepaskan temper aku pada kawan-kawan, sampaikan ada yang cakap, "aku tak sanggup lah nak dengar ko marah-marah".

I still think being angry and let go the temper is the best way to deal with something. At least korang boleh respond dengan apa yang aku buat/cakap. At least we will have a fight then in a day or two, we will become friends as usual.
Tapi kalau aku menangis depan kawan-kawan, what do you think you can do at that time? Everyone will stay away from me, until I become the one I used to be. Kalau aku menangis,aku rasa semua tak nak cakap. Pada pandangan dorang, biarlah dia dulu, nanti-nanti kita cakap dengan dia.
But you should have know that, I really need someone to talk to at that time. In the end, everyone will ignore me.

Ahh what's wrong with me. Still tearing up after hours of crying. Damn it.

I just want to find the reason why being alive is wonderful. If I found that, I could live my life contentedly. I just hope I could find the reason. InsyaAllah.